A little post to say thank you to my John.
Often I mention what others do for the House and it is not so obvious that the big obvious things are only possible because John travels indefatigably around the country collecting my many Ebay purchases, supported by his wizard petrolhead magic, provides tools, sources more tools when needed, cooks delicious meals for everyone, does his own share of DIYery, supports and shares my decisions.
(Ignore READ MORE - this is a small post with no more to follow.)
Sunday, 31 May 2009
Sexual age of consent
I've just been reading about Bill Wyman and 13 year old Mandy. Interesting how attitudes have changed so enormously towards younger teenagers being sexual.
Historically 13 year old wives have been quite normal and still are across most of the world. We commonly admire Shakespeare's Juliet - we don't see her as sexually abused!
But young wives or girlfriends lived in large extended families, they weren't expected to run a home on their own. Perhaps the tremendous push to split families up into tiny units of no more than 2 or 3 people nowadays has more to do with the sexual age of consent than is usually realised.
Strange really. Tiny households mean we buy a lot more goods - 2 or 3 times as many washing machines, cookers, fridges, sets of carpets, cars etc Good news for the money men - add on making those older girls work in jobs, paying a higher mortgage and taxes and the money is whizzing!
Compare China where there is no sex or marriage under 25. Is this the future?
If so it bears consideration that China's law is not about protecting the young. It's about making sure they stay hard at it at work, as well as population control.
Historically 13 year old wives have been quite normal and still are across most of the world. We commonly admire Shakespeare's Juliet - we don't see her as sexually abused!
But young wives or girlfriends lived in large extended families, they weren't expected to run a home on their own. Perhaps the tremendous push to split families up into tiny units of no more than 2 or 3 people nowadays has more to do with the sexual age of consent than is usually realised.
Strange really. Tiny households mean we buy a lot more goods - 2 or 3 times as many washing machines, cookers, fridges, sets of carpets, cars etc Good news for the money men - add on making those older girls work in jobs, paying a higher mortgage and taxes and the money is whizzing!
Compare China where there is no sex or marriage under 25. Is this the future?
If so it bears consideration that China's law is not about protecting the young. It's about making sure they stay hard at it at work, as well as population control.
Saturday, 30 May 2009
60th Birthday! and House happiness
Jenny Mark and James have worked miracles. It's wonderful to see the House coming alive, coming into its beauty.
Doors, floors, garden, an outing to magical Wentwood (see pic - click it to see full size) and finally birthday celebration evening - I am 60!
I just managed to get the four poster room ready for Jenny, Mark and baby boys when they arrived. Great to be able to offer them the kind of guesting they deserve. It's all white with green carpet, pine four poster, and lavender sprigged curtains.
Mark the Magician installed the beautiful old doors I found to open on to the garden. They have green swirly bottle glass in leaded panes. He also put in one of the Dance Room doors, heavy pine framed panes of glass, more light! more light!
Meanwhile James took charge of the new fencing and John cleared the overgrown grass, and Tal cleared away my store of leaded glass windows. All together we have a garden again. Young Matthew and Michael much enjoyed roly poly on a blanket.
James also laid blond parquet in our study so it too is getting beautiful. As ouyr most used room that's so welcome instead of a mucky hole. Oh and last but not least he and Tal abolish the horrible old bar opening up the Lounge for a dining area. What a relief - that old bar just magnetised rubbish and dominated the whole room.
Jenny is all the time everywhere, clearing, encouraging, buttying, organising - with a baby on her hip and a toddler never far away. This is a matriarch extraordinaire. I am so lucky in my friendship with her.
I should also mention my admiration for Mark who often works at carpentry or plumbing with 2 year old Michael pottering about under his care. Like our son long ago, Michael has been strictly trained on safety and is remarkably good on it. But even so it's not easy to work on skilled tasks with a young person right in your zone.
SATURDAY we had a lovely outing to Wentwood (pics to follow) in very hot sunshine - but it was cool under the trees. Michael explored happily in all directions up and over the tumulus mound, while certain elders dozed peacefully.
The bluebells were everywhere and the green was so rich, deep and mysterious it was entirely likely for the fae to pop out of the shadows at any mopment.
In the evening, late after the heat died John cooked me a grand birthday dinner. It was held in the lounge on John's beautiful oak table which Tal laid and surrounded with lots of candles. A festive spread was much enjoyed by all though sadly Colin was unable to be there.
I understand some presents await me on my calendar birthday in a few days time. Meanwhile Jenny gave me a fluffy Little Hug, Tal a ridiculous pulp romance (so appropriate for me) and John two exquisite silk scarves and a tiny model of witch, cat and cauldron.
At the end John put all the little candles on a plate and I blew them out - somewhat too enthusiastically sending hot wax splashing. I wished, prompted by Jenny, and my wish was the same numeric that John and I shared at out beginning. He'll know what I mean.
I also made a speech about how 60 is gaining the wisdom that "you can't do it all." That has been a hard won recent win, but although I accept there are things I have not done or had, how rich I feel in what I have. The inner voice is also clear that I have another lifetime now as Crone which will be a greatly fulfilling and creative one.
And so to bed.
Doors, floors, garden, an outing to magical Wentwood (see pic - click it to see full size) and finally birthday celebration evening - I am 60!
I just managed to get the four poster room ready for Jenny, Mark and baby boys when they arrived. Great to be able to offer them the kind of guesting they deserve. It's all white with green carpet, pine four poster, and lavender sprigged curtains.Mark the Magician installed the beautiful old doors I found to open on to the garden. They have green swirly bottle glass in leaded panes. He also put in one of the Dance Room doors, heavy pine framed panes of glass, more light! more light!
Meanwhile James took charge of the new fencing and John cleared the overgrown grass, and Tal cleared away my store of leaded glass windows. All together we have a garden again. Young Matthew and Michael much enjoyed roly poly on a blanket.
James also laid blond parquet in our study so it too is getting beautiful. As ouyr most used room that's so welcome instead of a mucky hole. Oh and last but not least he and Tal abolish the horrible old bar opening up the Lounge for a dining area. What a relief - that old bar just magnetised rubbish and dominated the whole room.
Jenny is all the time everywhere, clearing, encouraging, buttying, organising - with a baby on her hip and a toddler never far away. This is a matriarch extraordinaire. I am so lucky in my friendship with her.
I should also mention my admiration for Mark who often works at carpentry or plumbing with 2 year old Michael pottering about under his care. Like our son long ago, Michael has been strictly trained on safety and is remarkably good on it. But even so it's not easy to work on skilled tasks with a young person right in your zone.
SATURDAY we had a lovely outing to Wentwood (pics to follow) in very hot sunshine - but it was cool under the trees. Michael explored happily in all directions up and over the tumulus mound, while certain elders dozed peacefully.
The bluebells were everywhere and the green was so rich, deep and mysterious it was entirely likely for the fae to pop out of the shadows at any mopment.
In the evening, late after the heat died John cooked me a grand birthday dinner. It was held in the lounge on John's beautiful oak table which Tal laid and surrounded with lots of candles. A festive spread was much enjoyed by all though sadly Colin was unable to be there.
I understand some presents await me on my calendar birthday in a few days time. Meanwhile Jenny gave me a fluffy Little Hug, Tal a ridiculous pulp romance (so appropriate for me) and John two exquisite silk scarves and a tiny model of witch, cat and cauldron.
At the end John put all the little candles on a plate and I blew them out - somewhat too enthusiastically sending hot wax splashing. I wished, prompted by Jenny, and my wish was the same numeric that John and I shared at out beginning. He'll know what I mean.
I also made a speech about how 60 is gaining the wisdom that "you can't do it all." That has been a hard won recent win, but although I accept there are things I have not done or had, how rich I feel in what I have. The inner voice is also clear that I have another lifetime now as Crone which will be a greatly fulfilling and creative one.
And so to bed.
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
Rhiannon
My Rhiannon research is really fizzing!
Decided to check her father in the First Branch - found his name is Hyfaidd Hen.
Looked that up and YESSS! there was a Dyfed warlord king same name. A lot of the information fits my theory of how Dyfed used the Pwyll Rhiannon myth politically.
Exciting.
Oh and I've ordered the magnificent Will Parker "The Four Branches of the Mabinogi." a bit of a gulp at £40 but it's a big detailed book. Can't wait.
Also just seen Andrew Breeze has “The Origins of the Four Branches of the Mabinogi” coming out very soon - June 2009 - and only a tenner. Great! Breeze has a theory of a female writer for Y Mabinogi. I'd agree there is much female content that is unlikely from a male author, but of course I have my own ideas as to who the lady might be - not the same as Breeze who goes for Gwenllian.
Still I only know a description of his theory, not the actual detailed argument (it's in a journal paper or a totally expensive survey he wrote on Welsh medieval literature. We shall see.
Found a wonderful cat picture in the Book of Kells but not enough info on where to locate it. It's in Nora Chadwick “Celtic Britain.” 1963.
Bubbling BRAIN.
[Ignore the READ MORE link - this is the complete post.]
Decided to check her father in the First Branch - found his name is Hyfaidd Hen.
Looked that up and YESSS! there was a Dyfed warlord king same name. A lot of the information fits my theory of how Dyfed used the Pwyll Rhiannon myth politically.
Exciting.
Oh and I've ordered the magnificent Will Parker "The Four Branches of the Mabinogi." a bit of a gulp at £40 but it's a big detailed book. Can't wait.
Also just seen Andrew Breeze has “The Origins of the Four Branches of the Mabinogi” coming out very soon - June 2009 - and only a tenner. Great! Breeze has a theory of a female writer for Y Mabinogi. I'd agree there is much female content that is unlikely from a male author, but of course I have my own ideas as to who the lady might be - not the same as Breeze who goes for Gwenllian.
Still I only know a description of his theory, not the actual detailed argument (it's in a journal paper or a totally expensive survey he wrote on Welsh medieval literature. We shall see.
Found a wonderful cat picture in the Book of Kells but not enough info on where to locate it. It's in Nora Chadwick “Celtic Britain.” 1963.
Bubbling BRAIN.
[Ignore the READ MORE link - this is the complete post.]
Busy bee family
Jenny Mark James and sprogs are over from Ireland. A great joy to have the house full of lovely beloved people for a week. The four poster guest room is now ready and Jenny assures me as its first users they had a great night's sleep. Lots of work being done!
Mark is working on the double doors to the garden - a set of beautiful old pub doors with greenish leaded glass panes in the top half. (Ebay natch) A tricky job that needs Mark.
James and Tal have mostly demolished the old bar - a great relief not to have it looming over us. So the lounge is now opened up and spacious.
Jenny is everywhere with ideas and practicality. How she does so much with two tinies in tow is amazing but she and Mark work together in the most skilful way keeping sprogs happy but still doing most of what they want to do. Something to see and admire.
Tonight we discussed using the new space in the lounge to create a library for all our books. But as everyone nicks books the problem is ... various wild schemes as solutions! John got thoughtful and said we can make glass doors for bookcases so off to Ebay we went and sure nuff ... watch this space.
Meanwhile Tal and James are studying for exams. Must get some fencing in for them to put up for the garden.
Oh and I'm losing weight. I have shoulders with hollows, and I can do my shirt up all down to the bottom.
A happy time.
Mark is working on the double doors to the garden - a set of beautiful old pub doors with greenish leaded glass panes in the top half. (Ebay natch) A tricky job that needs Mark.
James and Tal have mostly demolished the old bar - a great relief not to have it looming over us. So the lounge is now opened up and spacious.
Jenny is everywhere with ideas and practicality. How she does so much with two tinies in tow is amazing but she and Mark work together in the most skilful way keeping sprogs happy but still doing most of what they want to do. Something to see and admire.
Tonight we discussed using the new space in the lounge to create a library for all our books. But as everyone nicks books the problem is ... various wild schemes as solutions! John got thoughtful and said we can make glass doors for bookcases so off to Ebay we went and sure nuff ... watch this space.
Meanwhile Tal and James are studying for exams. Must get some fencing in for them to put up for the garden.
Oh and I'm losing weight. I have shoulders with hollows, and I can do my shirt up all down to the bottom.
A happy time.
Friday, 22 May 2009
Peter's so-called "mother."
Peter's "mother," the woman who let her child be tortured and killed as a toddler (Baby P) is to be sentenced tomorrow. She has written an apology.
Such an apology, right before she is sentenced, is glaringly obvious as a play for sympathy. It could be dismissed as meaningless on that basis, but actually it shows up just what a foul female this is.
In a previous post here just earlier today I wrote of the absolute priority a child must take over any lover, even its own father. For if not, this is the extreme result, to "stand by your man" at the expense of a small child.
She speaks of nothing but herself in her horrible apology.
She speaks of her failure, not of the child's pain. She shows she is aware that she has a miserable future. She cries every day. She is sad she will never see her lovely son grown up.
She says nothing of the hell she created for him.
She says she failed to be honest with Social Services and as a direct result her son "got hurt and sadly lost his life."
Firstly it was not a direct result of Social Services failings that the child suffered and died.He died because certain adults tortured and killed him. Not Social Workers.
Secondly how revealing are her words. Peter "got hurt" - as if he stumbled and fell all by himself. He "sadly lost his life" - as if in a sad accident. She has no awareness that it was she who caused his suffering and his death, together with the two males she allowed to stay around him.
This excuse of a mother, this utter slut of a woman, tries to blame the tragedy on her failure to be honest with outsiders. She sees none of her own huge responsibility in allowing inferior males to stay around her child. She sees none of her failure to protect, her failure to leave.
Her child did not exist for her. Only her own ugly needs, her cowardly fears, her shameful dependency.
It is time we called time on these unspeakable females who cling to some dregs of a male, and put that foul link first, not their child. That is to be a slut, and a whore.
Inferior males, and their female allies shriek about how many lovers a woman has. They prance about in religious robes, or respectable suits, condemning sexuality as if it is monogamy that protects children. For shame on this cruel hypocrisy.
It is not the quantity, but the quality of her sex choices that makes a whore. A woman could have many lovers, but choose good partners, who do not harm her child. Or she could choose just one, clinging to him over long years of a sanctified, respectable marriage, supporting him even when he hurts or humiliates her child.
The first can be a good mother, which is what matters.
The second is a whore.
A woman's right to choose is a heavy responsibility. Time we stopped forgiving sluts who cling to bad men. It is time we held them fully responsible for the terrible harm they allow to happen. For the sin of the bad female is usually passivity.
Women are responsible for what we do. That is the core of feminism.
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Child or father first?
A woman has stated publicly that she loves her husband more than her children. Rightly she sees this as a forbidden thing to say. She is brave to go against the mainstream view.
Nor does she sound like a bad mother. But a confused one.
Putting children first doesn't cut out flourishing sex with their father/ a partner, as the lady seems to think. Over a long marriage sex dips or disappears, sometimes for months on end. Early years childcare is so exhausting, and privacy is a problem! But sex comes back - it has a lot of raw power!
In fact it's good for children to know that a love affair is happening, and to learn the courtesy of respecting sexual privacy. A closed bedroom door means 'do not disturb except in emergency' which is an important social code.
Nor does devotion to child mean you cannot adore your lover. There are different kinds of love, and different kinds of passion. Both these are passionate loves. Both stir the heart and soul.
You don't necessarily have to feel like you're "in love" with the child. Devotion is none the worse for not being romantic. I guess it depends how romantic you are.
My son is a kind of faerie magical prince to me, a dream lover. Freud knew his stuff! Only of course that bedroom bit belongs to husband. I cannot imagine any of that in connection with my child even if I try. But I'm undoubtedly "in love" - missing his presence, delighted at every detail of his appearance, all the symptoms of heart and mind being in love.
Maybe this lady who feels she is not "in love" with her child is interpreting being "in love" too sexually?
What is right and proper however, is for the new life to take absolute priority. That is nature's way.
Only if the child's longer term, or deeper needs justify pushing it to one side for the sake of the father, can this be a good thing. For example I once put the father first for most of a year. He had cardiac crises, over and over again.
It was terribly difficult balancing the devotions. I made time for my child, and made sure he had high quality care while I stayed in hospital keeping his father alive. But clearly, this was about saving his father for him, and secondly, my beloved.
The "what if" game is helpful.
If the house is on fire, and you can't save both partner and child - obviously you save the child. It would be agonising - but then you see I know that his father would have it no other way. He knows that I would put our son first, as I know he would too. That is something to do with why I love this father so very much.
When baby was tiny I hesitantly voiced this. Looking at the precious little thing between us, I said softly to the father "You know, I can't put you first any more, don't you?"
He glared at me like a savage. "What the hell do you think I'm doing as well?" he roared. "Of COURSE he comes first."
That is a profound love to share.
Both parents should put their child first on anything important. But that still leaves plenty of places for the adult beloved to have priority as well. With sex, romance, fun and all the rest.
Nor does she sound like a bad mother. But a confused one.
Putting children first doesn't cut out flourishing sex with their father/ a partner, as the lady seems to think. Over a long marriage sex dips or disappears, sometimes for months on end. Early years childcare is so exhausting, and privacy is a problem! But sex comes back - it has a lot of raw power!
In fact it's good for children to know that a love affair is happening, and to learn the courtesy of respecting sexual privacy. A closed bedroom door means 'do not disturb except in emergency' which is an important social code.
Nor does devotion to child mean you cannot adore your lover. There are different kinds of love, and different kinds of passion. Both these are passionate loves. Both stir the heart and soul.
You don't necessarily have to feel like you're "in love" with the child. Devotion is none the worse for not being romantic. I guess it depends how romantic you are.
My son is a kind of faerie magical prince to me, a dream lover. Freud knew his stuff! Only of course that bedroom bit belongs to husband. I cannot imagine any of that in connection with my child even if I try. But I'm undoubtedly "in love" - missing his presence, delighted at every detail of his appearance, all the symptoms of heart and mind being in love.
Maybe this lady who feels she is not "in love" with her child is interpreting being "in love" too sexually?
What is right and proper however, is for the new life to take absolute priority. That is nature's way.
Only if the child's longer term, or deeper needs justify pushing it to one side for the sake of the father, can this be a good thing. For example I once put the father first for most of a year. He had cardiac crises, over and over again.
It was terribly difficult balancing the devotions. I made time for my child, and made sure he had high quality care while I stayed in hospital keeping his father alive. But clearly, this was about saving his father for him, and secondly, my beloved.
The "what if" game is helpful.
If the house is on fire, and you can't save both partner and child - obviously you save the child. It would be agonising - but then you see I know that his father would have it no other way. He knows that I would put our son first, as I know he would too. That is something to do with why I love this father so very much.
When baby was tiny I hesitantly voiced this. Looking at the precious little thing between us, I said softly to the father "You know, I can't put you first any more, don't you?"
He glared at me like a savage. "What the hell do you think I'm doing as well?" he roared. "Of COURSE he comes first."
That is a profound love to share.
Both parents should put their child first on anything important. But that still leaves plenty of places for the adult beloved to have priority as well. With sex, romance, fun and all the rest.
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